Friday, August 17, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Reflections from Debrief
“Missions… is less about the transportation of God from one place to another, and more about the identification of a God who is already there. It is almost as if being a really good missionary means having really good eyesight. Or maybe it means teaching people to use their eyes to see things that have always been there, they just didn’t realize it. You see God where others don’t. And you point Him out…
Perhaps we ought to replace the word missionary with tour guide, because we cannot show people something we haven’t seen…Tour guides are people who see depth and texture and connection where others don’t…And when they point it out, it changes the way we see everything.”
-Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis
Throughout this summer, I’ve been praying that God would change my vision. I read this quote from Velvet Elvis towards the end of my first full week at BayUP, and I felt really convicted. Already beginning to see the city of Berkeley with new eyes, I was struck by the truth and beauty in Rob Bell’s words:
What a profound idea.
And after going through these past 6 weeks of BayUP, praying nearly every morning for a new way of seeing, I realize that God has answered my prayers.
Where I once thought that true mission required conversion and true evangelism required religious conversation, I have been reminded that you can often speak God’s truth, justice, and love more clearly with actions than with words.
Where I once thought that missions projects were defined by life-changing experiences and miracles, God has challenged me to see life itself as mission.
I have begun to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.
I have experienced the divine in the everyday.
And the funny thing about all this, is that I have not been the tour guide.
I have been the one on the “tour.”
It has been the churches- CWOW and The Way- who have helped me to see the church as more than just a building. Through their faithfulness, I have seen backyards, community parks, and even household driveways transformed into sacred temples of the living God, where a diversity of people can come together and glimpse shalom, if only for a mere moment.
It has been the day laborers around the corner and the homeless man who lives in a bush down the street who have taught me to see poverty and injustice in the midst of a seemingly “normal” Berkeley neighborhood. Through them, I have been reminded that poverty has many different faces.
It has been the graffitied walls and boarded up homes down the block that have taught me to see hope in the midst of destruction. Through their groanings, I have heard the city’s cry for restoration.
These tour guides have led me well.
They have shown me beauty, they have shown me complexity.
They have shown me that there’s always more than meets the eye.
They have changed the way that I see.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Tapestry
You said
You knit me together
in my mother’s womb-
Steady hands,
agile fingers
pulling every part
perfectly, precisely
into place
Your mind conceived things
too lofty for mine-
grandeur of places, peoples
histories coming together;
different cords, carefully colored,
coordinated in even rows,
unified strands
Strands of
BYA kids and their heelies
CWOW families with their baby strollers
UC Berkeley students and their hoodies
brought close and tightly woven
like rows of Brianna’s braids
Threads of love and hope
Pain and loss
Present and future
Interwoven in connections
Smooth, like Naomi’s skin
The clash of
young and old
black and white
rich and poor
erased
if momentarily
through the common experiences
joining us together
And as I stand
outside 2110 9th street
I marvel at this tapestry of life
hanging so simply
in balance-
Your masterpiece.
You knit me together
in my mother’s womb-
Steady hands,
agile fingers
pulling every part
perfectly, precisely
into place
Your mind conceived things
too lofty for mine-
grandeur of places, peoples
histories coming together;
different cords, carefully colored,
coordinated in even rows,
unified strands
Strands of
BYA kids and their heelies
CWOW families with their baby strollers
UC Berkeley students and their hoodies
brought close and tightly woven
like rows of Brianna’s braids
Threads of love and hope
Pain and loss
Present and future
Interwoven in connections
Smooth, like Naomi’s skin
The clash of
young and old
black and white
rich and poor
erased
if momentarily
through the common experiences
joining us together
And as I stand
outside 2110 9th street
I marvel at this tapestry of life
hanging so simply
in balance-
Your masterpiece.
Loving to the End
"Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love." (John 13:1)
We only have three days left at our sites. Four in our neighborhood.
Today at site, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness at just how little time we have left with the kids. As I watch them throughout the day, I began to feel overwhelmed thinking about all of the brokenness and the pain that I continue to see here at BYA. There were quite a few fights that broke out today, and a few boys even had to be sent home. Towards the end of the day, there were some girl fights that also broke out, and it made me really sad to see just how much pain and abuse some of the girls have to face. Some of the words that they used made me want to cry for the lack of respect they have for themselves and for each other.
In the midst of thrown punches, angry words, name-calling, cussing, shouting, pushing, and threats, I was reminded today of how Jesus loved his disciples to the very end, even washing the feet of Judas (his betrayer!) just days before he was going to be crucified. With his time on earth almost up, Jesus wasn't busy going around trying to work 24/7 or fix every problem he solved, but He loved. Jesus continued to love even when He knew his time left one earth was short. Jesus continued to love even when He knew his disciples would betray, deny, and leave him. Jesus continued to love by serving and humbling himself
In some ways, I think that Jesus’ confidence and ability to love to the end came from doing only what the Father called him to. He was not only secure in His own identity and purpose, but also confident that the work left behind on earth would continue to be carried out to completion through the will of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit. I hope and pray that this week, I would feel the freedom to trust in God’s will for us and to be faithful in loving to the end rather than trying to solve all the problems I see around me in one week.
Rather than trying to figure out how to say the right things or "teach" the kids the right lessons, I'm being reminded of the importance of just loving these kids. Perhaps love will speak more loudly than any harsh word or discipline they get.
We only have three days left at our sites. Four in our neighborhood.
Today at site, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness at just how little time we have left with the kids. As I watch them throughout the day, I began to feel overwhelmed thinking about all of the brokenness and the pain that I continue to see here at BYA. There were quite a few fights that broke out today, and a few boys even had to be sent home. Towards the end of the day, there were some girl fights that also broke out, and it made me really sad to see just how much pain and abuse some of the girls have to face. Some of the words that they used made me want to cry for the lack of respect they have for themselves and for each other.
In the midst of thrown punches, angry words, name-calling, cussing, shouting, pushing, and threats, I was reminded today of how Jesus loved his disciples to the very end, even washing the feet of Judas (his betrayer!) just days before he was going to be crucified. With his time on earth almost up, Jesus wasn't busy going around trying to work 24/7 or fix every problem he solved, but He loved. Jesus continued to love even when He knew his time left one earth was short. Jesus continued to love even when He knew his disciples would betray, deny, and leave him. Jesus continued to love by serving and humbling himself
In some ways, I think that Jesus’ confidence and ability to love to the end came from doing only what the Father called him to. He was not only secure in His own identity and purpose, but also confident that the work left behind on earth would continue to be carried out to completion through the will of the Father and the power of the Holy Spirit. I hope and pray that this week, I would feel the freedom to trust in God’s will for us and to be faithful in loving to the end rather than trying to solve all the problems I see around me in one week.
Rather than trying to figure out how to say the right things or "teach" the kids the right lessons, I'm being reminded of the importance of just loving these kids. Perhaps love will speak more loudly than any harsh word or discipline they get.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Questions
This past week felt a little bit like miles 16-20 in a marathon. Our team hit a few walls, as the original excitement and adrenaline of beginning BAyUP had faded, but the end still seemed too far off in sight. Throughout this past week, God has been raising up a lot of questions in me and among our team, through various tensions and struggles we’ve faced, about the fine line between necessities and privileges. Thanks be to God that He has enabled us to continue pushing through, and that He has been faithfully meeting us in the midst of all our unanswered questions.
Health care
Last week, most of our team got sick. Our 3-year old neighbor (Noah) upstairs managed to cough on Sarah while he was sick, and it spread to her and to the rest of the team. Praise God that none of us were seriously sick, but it definitely was a bit scary for me as a team leader. It was also pretty interesting to wrestle as a team with the issue of medicine, and whether or not we wanted to use our food money to buy medicine. Our neighbor had given us some Airborne that we had used up, and to replace it would cost at least $6-7, nearly half of one person’s budget for a week. On top of that, we needed some type of cold medicine, which would cost at least $4-5 as well.
Struggling to pay $10 for medicine at Walgreens made me realize just how costly health care can be, and how much I take it for granted. When we were charged $4.99 for an item that was actually $3.99, I actually fought for and persist in my argument, even when a whole line of people were waiting behind us and visibly irritated. I recall feeling a mixture of shame/embarrassment and stubbornness at the same time, and I realize that I've never before fought so hard just to save $1.08.
All this made me wonder: How often do the poor just continue to go sick because of their lack of money, health insurance, and access to treatment? How many people die unnecessary deaths or remain sick for too long, simply because they don’t have the resources that so many others take for granted?
A Dirty Mess
Another interesting thing that happened this past week was that our apartment experienced a total breakdown of our plumbing system. Somehow, our drains had gotten so clogged up that any time somebody in our entire apartment complex used the water, it would come back up from the drains and flood into our toilet and into the shower tub. For almost 24 hours, our shower was constantly being filled with brownish, yellow, clumpy water, complete with shredded toilet paper bits, and our toilet bowl would unpredictably bubble up with the same brownish/yellow water.
We were super lucky to have Matt Crocker (associate pastor of CWOW) upstairs take charge and get a plumber within a day to come and fix it. But the whole experience made me realize how hard it must be for the poor to deal with unexpected emergencies, like broken plumbing.
What would we have done without Matt to advocate for us? What would happened if we didn’t have a good apartment manager, who came and actually paid for the plumbers? What would we have done if we had no money and our landlord refused to fix it?
These are the realities that so many people in poverty face.
Cows of Bashan
Then, this past weekend, we had an Amos manuscript study with all of BAyUP. For those of you who haven’t read through Amos, I highly recommend it. Through Amos, it becomes very clear just how angry, serious, frustrated, and heartbroken God is when His people do not pursue right relationships- with Him and with each other. God is constantly judging and calling out the Israelites for the ways that they did not pursue justice for all people, and His wrath is severe.
While studying a section in which God condemns the “cows of Bashan,” we learned that college students across America possess $10.5 billion worth of electronic equipment. Despite claims that they are “poor,” college students spend about $36.6 billion a year, with over $6 billion being spent on entertainment alone. Christians are no exception to this mass culture of spending, consumerism, and materialism that keeps us from the true worship God longs for.
How often do we (sometimes directly, but most often indirectly) act as these cows of Bashan? How easy is it for us to put our own comfort, security, prosperity, and pleasure over the needs and the cries of others? How often do we come into the house of God, singing songs and praying prayers that God hates and abhors because we do them while continually exploiting and oppressing our neighbors? And who will stand up as prophets and nazirites in the midst of all our sin and complacency to teach His people what it means to love good, hate evil, and seek justice in the gate?
Last Words from Amos
"You trample on the poor and force him to give you grain. Therefore, though you have built stone mansions, you will not live in them; though you have planted lush vineyards, you will not drink their wine.
For I know how many are your offenses and how great your sins. You oppress the righteous and take bribes and you deprive the poor of justice in the courts. Therefore the prudent man keeps quiet in such times, for the times are evil.
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph."
-Amos 5:11-15
Health care
Last week, most of our team got sick. Our 3-year old neighbor (Noah) upstairs managed to cough on Sarah while he was sick, and it spread to her and to the rest of the team. Praise God that none of us were seriously sick, but it definitely was a bit scary for me as a team leader. It was also pretty interesting to wrestle as a team with the issue of medicine, and whether or not we wanted to use our food money to buy medicine. Our neighbor had given us some Airborne that we had used up, and to replace it would cost at least $6-7, nearly half of one person’s budget for a week. On top of that, we needed some type of cold medicine, which would cost at least $4-5 as well.
Struggling to pay $10 for medicine at Walgreens made me realize just how costly health care can be, and how much I take it for granted. When we were charged $4.99 for an item that was actually $3.99, I actually fought for and persist in my argument, even when a whole line of people were waiting behind us and visibly irritated. I recall feeling a mixture of shame/embarrassment and stubbornness at the same time, and I realize that I've never before fought so hard just to save $1.08.
All this made me wonder: How often do the poor just continue to go sick because of their lack of money, health insurance, and access to treatment? How many people die unnecessary deaths or remain sick for too long, simply because they don’t have the resources that so many others take for granted?
A Dirty Mess
Another interesting thing that happened this past week was that our apartment experienced a total breakdown of our plumbing system. Somehow, our drains had gotten so clogged up that any time somebody in our entire apartment complex used the water, it would come back up from the drains and flood into our toilet and into the shower tub. For almost 24 hours, our shower was constantly being filled with brownish, yellow, clumpy water, complete with shredded toilet paper bits, and our toilet bowl would unpredictably bubble up with the same brownish/yellow water.
We were super lucky to have Matt Crocker (associate pastor of CWOW) upstairs take charge and get a plumber within a day to come and fix it. But the whole experience made me realize how hard it must be for the poor to deal with unexpected emergencies, like broken plumbing.
What would we have done without Matt to advocate for us? What would happened if we didn’t have a good apartment manager, who came and actually paid for the plumbers? What would we have done if we had no money and our landlord refused to fix it?
These are the realities that so many people in poverty face.
Cows of Bashan
Then, this past weekend, we had an Amos manuscript study with all of BAyUP. For those of you who haven’t read through Amos, I highly recommend it. Through Amos, it becomes very clear just how angry, serious, frustrated, and heartbroken God is when His people do not pursue right relationships- with Him and with each other. God is constantly judging and calling out the Israelites for the ways that they did not pursue justice for all people, and His wrath is severe.
While studying a section in which God condemns the “cows of Bashan,” we learned that college students across America possess $10.5 billion worth of electronic equipment. Despite claims that they are “poor,” college students spend about $36.6 billion a year, with over $6 billion being spent on entertainment alone. Christians are no exception to this mass culture of spending, consumerism, and materialism that keeps us from the true worship God longs for.
How often do we (sometimes directly, but most often indirectly) act as these cows of Bashan? How easy is it for us to put our own comfort, security, prosperity, and pleasure over the needs and the cries of others? How often do we come into the house of God, singing songs and praying prayers that God hates and abhors because we do them while continually exploiting and oppressing our neighbors? And who will stand up as prophets and nazirites in the midst of all our sin and complacency to teach His people what it means to love good, hate evil, and seek justice in the gate?
Last Words from Amos
"You trample on the poor and force him to give you grain. Therefore, though you have built stone mansions, you will not live in them; though you have planted lush vineyards, you will not drink their wine.
For I know how many are your offenses and how great your sins. You oppress the righteous and take bribes and you deprive the poor of justice in the courts. Therefore the prudent man keeps quiet in such times, for the times are evil.
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph."
-Amos 5:11-15
Monday, July 16, 2007
Thank You!
Thanks to all of you who made it out to our open house! =)
It was such a huge encouragement to see all of you, and our team is so grateful for all of your goodies, your kind words, your prayers, your questions, and your support.
Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone.
Thank you for reminding us that the fruits that we bear this summer are not just for us, but for an entire community of faith to celebrate.
Thank you for believing in us.
You have been tangible expressions of God's grace and mercy in our lives.
It was such a huge encouragement to see all of you, and our team is so grateful for all of your goodies, your kind words, your prayers, your questions, and your support.
Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone.
Thank you for reminding us that the fruits that we bear this summer are not just for us, but for an entire community of faith to celebrate.
Thank you for believing in us.
You have been tangible expressions of God's grace and mercy in our lives.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Learning to be Human
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Our first week at BYA (Berkeley Youth Alternatives) was a total challenge. Somehow, I had these grand dreams and hopes of joining the program, having really transformative experiences, impacting the kids, gaining trust and respect, and “making a difference.” Yet after about a week of being there, it was hard not to feel invisible. The kids regularly ignored us, the group leaders barely talked to us, and the director still didn’t know our names. It seemed like everyone was constantly fighting with each other, breaking rules, pushing limits, and disrespecting us. I had been told on multiple occasions things such as “shut up,” “leave me alone,” “you’re doing too much” or “I don’t have to listen to you.” Many times when I actually tried to intervene and discipline the kids, they seem surprised and tell me that it’s “not the BYA way.” Every day felt like a struggle to make it through til 3:00.
Yet as I have been reflecting on Hebrews 12:1-3 the past few days, God has reminded me of the pain, the rejection, and the shame that Jesus endured on the cross- how Jesus was able to consider it a “joy set before him.” It totally boggled my mind- that the God of the universe would become flesh, dwell among our neighborhood, and face pain, rejection, opposition, and shame. The God of the universe was whipped, mocked, beaten, spit upon, insulted, and publicly humiliated, but still considered it joy- not because it was easy or because it was painless, but because he loved. He knew that the suffering of the cross was not the end, and that the force of love is greater than all of the forces of darkness that try to come and throw you down.
And as I thought about the cross, I realized that I am not far away from many of the kids that I work with, get frustrated by, and sometimes want to give up on. How many times have I rejected, disrespected, insulted, ignored, and even secretly hated my God in my heart, just as the kids do to me? How often do I let the pain and the brokenness in my life keep me from receiving both the love and the discipline of God, just as these kids?
Most days, we are lucky to just have one good moment with the kids. Other days, we might not even have any. The truth is, we are just one person among many who will influence one year among many, that shape who these kids become. But every day, I’m trying to understand a little bit more about the humanity of these kids and see them with Jesus’ eyes. I’m searching a bit harder for the dignity and the vulnerability hidden underneath layers of pain and defensiveness.
Through a smile in the midst of all the scowling and pouting, through a kind word in the midst of all the insults, through an affectionate embrace in the midst of all the invisibility, I am being reminded that these kids are human- human beings who are created in the image of God and carry His fingerprints within their stories, their laughter, and their tears.
So in the words and the actions of kids who I'm struggling to understand, I am learning to see glimpses of myself.
In the midst of all the chaos, the fighting, the talking back, and disrespecting, I’m learning what it means to take up my cross and lay my life down with joy, just as Jesus did.
In the midst of loving kids who sometimes feel impossible to love, we are learning also to love ourselves, in the midst of all our failures, our imperfections, and our human limitations.
And they are the ones teaching us to be more human.
-Erina (July 12, 2007)
Our first week at BYA (Berkeley Youth Alternatives) was a total challenge. Somehow, I had these grand dreams and hopes of joining the program, having really transformative experiences, impacting the kids, gaining trust and respect, and “making a difference.” Yet after about a week of being there, it was hard not to feel invisible. The kids regularly ignored us, the group leaders barely talked to us, and the director still didn’t know our names. It seemed like everyone was constantly fighting with each other, breaking rules, pushing limits, and disrespecting us. I had been told on multiple occasions things such as “shut up,” “leave me alone,” “you’re doing too much” or “I don’t have to listen to you.” Many times when I actually tried to intervene and discipline the kids, they seem surprised and tell me that it’s “not the BYA way.” Every day felt like a struggle to make it through til 3:00.
Yet as I have been reflecting on Hebrews 12:1-3 the past few days, God has reminded me of the pain, the rejection, and the shame that Jesus endured on the cross- how Jesus was able to consider it a “joy set before him.” It totally boggled my mind- that the God of the universe would become flesh, dwell among our neighborhood, and face pain, rejection, opposition, and shame. The God of the universe was whipped, mocked, beaten, spit upon, insulted, and publicly humiliated, but still considered it joy- not because it was easy or because it was painless, but because he loved. He knew that the suffering of the cross was not the end, and that the force of love is greater than all of the forces of darkness that try to come and throw you down.
And as I thought about the cross, I realized that I am not far away from many of the kids that I work with, get frustrated by, and sometimes want to give up on. How many times have I rejected, disrespected, insulted, ignored, and even secretly hated my God in my heart, just as the kids do to me? How often do I let the pain and the brokenness in my life keep me from receiving both the love and the discipline of God, just as these kids?
Most days, we are lucky to just have one good moment with the kids. Other days, we might not even have any. The truth is, we are just one person among many who will influence one year among many, that shape who these kids become. But every day, I’m trying to understand a little bit more about the humanity of these kids and see them with Jesus’ eyes. I’m searching a bit harder for the dignity and the vulnerability hidden underneath layers of pain and defensiveness.
Through a smile in the midst of all the scowling and pouting, through a kind word in the midst of all the insults, through an affectionate embrace in the midst of all the invisibility, I am being reminded that these kids are human- human beings who are created in the image of God and carry His fingerprints within their stories, their laughter, and their tears.
So in the words and the actions of kids who I'm struggling to understand, I am learning to see glimpses of myself.
In the midst of all the chaos, the fighting, the talking back, and disrespecting, I’m learning what it means to take up my cross and lay my life down with joy, just as Jesus did.
In the midst of loving kids who sometimes feel impossible to love, we are learning also to love ourselves, in the midst of all our failures, our imperfections, and our human limitations.
And they are the ones teaching us to be more human.
-Erina (July 12, 2007)
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